lundi 15 septembre 2008

P.R.

La semaine dernière en fut une de prostitution. Peut-être est-ce parce que que je relis The Catcher in the Rye mais je me sens relativement cynique face à tout évènement mondain avec les employeurs, aux nombreuses discussions entièrement vides que je me suis efforcé d'entretenir.

Un combo de six 5 à 7, une journée carrière. Véritable mine d'observations de l'humain en mode séduction corporative.

La gente estudiantine a revêtu ses plus beaux atours. Les filles mettent de côté féminité car lorsque vient le temps de se dénicher un stage, on semble croire que courbes est synonyme de détour. De motivés jeunes garçons sortent leurs habits de bal, les costumes de papa ou délient les cordons de la bourse et se vêtissent de façon intensément propre. Des chummys se questionnent mutuellement sur leurs choix de cravate, faisant fi d'abstrait contexte tel la virilité.

Arrive le contact avec divers actuaires. Stressés un max, tout le monde veut faire bonne impression. Chacun pose d'inutiles questions aux représentants des compagnies, hochant fébrilement la tête par la suite avec une fureur incroyable, souhaitant ainsi communiquer à son interlocuteur que l'on s'abreuve avidement à la pure source de son noble savoir. On overlaugh à la moindre petite blague, éructant de gras rires, se battant les cuisses comme le ferait une pute pour changer le mal de place tandis qu'elle se fait enculer.

La bataille est féroce. Chacun a vite fait de savoir qui est le responsable des entrevues. Chaque minute à ses côtés est aussi aprêment disputée que l'était la place au fond de la bus au primaire. Instinctivement, la foule se masse en cercles concentriques, espèrant être de la prochaine vague qui aurait la chance de se faire dire pour une 6ième fois de la soirée comment c'est de travailler pour unetelle compagnie cette fois-ci de la bouche de l'ultime chaman, le manitou des ressources humaines. On fait la danse du stage, implore les dieux du service de placement.

Pour ma part, après une ou deux interventions pénardes, je me contente d'utiliser bar open et hors d'oeuvre à bon escient. Je regarde les gens s'exalter d'entendre pour la 14ième fois ce qu'est une journée typique d'un travailleur en consultation de régimes de retraite. Je récolte clé USB, flyers, cahiers de note et stylos. Les trucs promotionnels s'amoncellent dans ma voiture.

By the way, j'ai fait le ménage de cette dernière hier. Ménage se résumant à jeter 90% des trucs qui y trainaient. Est-ce que ça veut dire que mon char est un dépotoir? Passons...

Les entrevues se scédulent depuis quelques temps. La preuve tend à etre faite que léchouillage de postérieur n'améliorait guère les chances d'en obtenir dans la plupart des cas. Toujours plaisant de constater qu'il y a de l'espoir pour les langues rosées.

Je terminerai en citant les sages mots d'un homme à l'élocution marquée par une incapacité de gestion de débit, de tonalité et de force qui s'approcha d'un de ses comparses en pleine discussion avec un grand manitou: "GUILLAUME RICHARD profites-tu du bar open en masse estiiiiiiiiii?". Way to go!

71 commentaires:

lithium a dit…

C'que j'trouve totalement mongol, c'est la distribution de fourniture de bureaux des grosses compagnies dans les universités. Habituellement, ça s'accompagne de financement quelconque de nouveaux pavillons, locaux, où autres espaces où ça sent le plastique neuf...

À l'Université de Montréal, la faculté de Droit en est rempli jusqu'au cadre de porte. Là, j'me fous vraiment de passer pour quelqu'un de jaloux. Pendant ce temps-là, la plèbe - c'est à dire, les matières qui n'ont pas d'argent, DONC qui sont sans importance (ça l'air...) ont de la misère à se payer un nombre suffisant de prof pour la session d'hiver parce que ça coupe dans les budgets.

Moi, là, j'vois un lien significatif entre la distribution de crayon de chez Deloitte et le sentiment de supériorité des certains facultés universitaires. J'ai arrêté de compter le nombre de fois que dude du Droit m'a confié qu'on devrait monter les frais de scolarité à 5000$ par session. J'imagine que sa mère n'est surement pas serveuse dans un bar de Hochelaga.

On espère qu'ils sont pas tous de même :(

gui92 a dit…

je ne sais pas si le fais de profiter a fond du bar open montre de l'intérêt pour la compagnie.

Bref, semaine tellement importante mais CALISSEMENT vedge ...MON GARS!

Je serais curieux d'avoir le ranking des factures de 5 à 7

mon guess:
le moins cher est indus suivi de aon dû a l'avantage de la glace

Towers doit bien gagné le concours suivi de Mercer.

Axa et Morneau Sobeco se disputent les places non pertinentes.

J'espère avoir une entrevue a RDS.

RaChel a dit…

et toi tu te situe dans quelle catégorie?

-celle des jeunes garçon qui sortent leurs habits de bal ou de leurs papa?

-celle qui s'habille de façon excessivement propre??

-celle des chummies qui se questionnent mutuellement sur leurs choix de cravate et p-te même la longueur??

Le Tapageur Silencieux a dit…

@lithium: C'est sûr que tout ça est tricky. Je ne connais pas trop les processus de financement gouvernemental mais j'ose croire que c'est assez similaire, le reste étant sans doute domaine du privé. Dur à éviter, c'est un peu la réalité du marché. Pas évident.

@gui92: Au total, c'est vraiment déroutant de voir l'argent qui s'est dépensé là.

@rachel: J'ai sorti une petite chemise régulière acheté l'an dernier pour des entrevues doublé d'un habit de mariage. La grosse affaire. Pas tant de check up mutuel au niveau du choix vestimentaire cependant.

Nayrus a dit…

"...se battant les cuisses comme le ferait une pute pour changer le mal de place tandis qu'elle se fait enculer."

Magnifique métaphore! hahahahaha

L'Ours qui a vu l'Homme a dit…

À quelque part, le bozo des ressources humaines, il doit être assez écoeuré de se faire licher le A$$ qu'il doit avoir plus d'intérêt pour ceux qui n'ont pas l'air de vendeurs de Lada usagés trop bien habillés... au moins ca fait changement.

Ou bien leur position satisfait un besoin d'attention indécemment grand.

Le Tapageur Silencieux a dit…

@nayrus: C'est important d'imager je trouve.

@l'ours qui a vu l'homme: J'imagine aussi mais à force de se faire dire qu'on est important, on finit peut-être par le croire? Il n'en demeure pas moi que la clé, ça doit être de se faire rappeler et je ne crois pas qu'on y parvient en posant les mêmes questions routinières posées par tout le monde.

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La seule chose que j'aime de ces trucs, c'est les clé USB et autres cossins UTILES gratuits! Faut en profiter!

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